I Kid You Not

We are down in Destin for vacation and walking through the Winn Dixie when Rocky Mountain High comes on over the loud speakers and we pass a guy wearing a Red Rocks t shirt. No. Joke.

Approaching "D" Day

Or "J" day. J for June. Because by June all the graduations will be over and you would think people would begin to look for homes they want to move into during the summer. So June. June will make or break us but I want to talk about something else. Why is it that people believe that if something is God it will all work out? If something is God everything will fall into place? Does life really work that way? What about all the bad things that happen. How do you explain that? Suddenly that doesn't make too much sense does it? God doesn't create bad things. The world and the leader of this world do that all on their own but He will use it to bring us to where we should be. Closer to Him. Trusting Him.

If you have to fight to get someplace in life does that mean it wasn't God's plan for you because it didnt fall into your lap? I'm saying all this because someone was telling me that their move "fell into place and everything lined up.." so my dreams aren't lining up. Does that mean it isnt meant to be or I need to fight for it? Sounds like my previous post doesn't it? See I cant get past this. Which is it? I don't know.

Our dream in pictues

So I thought it would be fun to post pictures of what our dream of living in Colorado would look like for us.
Hope you enjoy!

 

 

An Example

to show you I can't make this sh!t up.

It's hard to dream

I didn't use to be a pessimistic person. At least, I don't think I was as bad as I am now in my old age. The older I get the more pessimistic I become. How sad is that? Life. Life will suck the life out of you. Not following your dreams, living the day to day just eats at you. It's eating at me. I'm starting to lose hope. No. I've lost it. I thought our house would have sold by now. We have no offers in sight. When we went to Colorado and came back I was excited. Now I'm not because I really don't think we are going to move. I just can't see it and that makes my heart hurt.

In another month or two if our house hasn't sold, my husband is talking about trying to rent it but I have to ask are we fighting for (what we think is) our destiny or just trying to make something happen that isn't meant to be? When do you fight and when do you realize that it just isn't happening? How do you know if its a battle because it will make your heart come alive and therefore getting to that place won't be easy. Or is it not true. Our hearts wont come alive out there, we won't be living a better life and what we think we want is actually not good for us.

Do we keep dreaming? Keep hoping someone will buy this house? At some point life goes on. Our son goes to school here. Our house gets taken off the market. My husband continues in a job he doesn't like and has affected him physically. Because we don't get to come alive. It's all a cruel joke.

It's hard to dream because when you do, a little bit of light comes into your life... a faint glow that there is something to look forward to. You know that saying "better to have loved and lost than never loved before" or something like that? I think it's baloney. It's like "ignorance is bliss" if you don't allow yourself to dream than you won't be disappointed when it doesn't happen. It's easier to not dream. I have to try not to voice my doubt because it takes away the glimmer of hope that my husband still has. I don't want to be a dream killer.

So here's the deal

Colorado is everywhere. You know when you like a certain car and you suddenly see it all over the place? I don't know if Colorado has been talked about so much around us and we never noticed but my word. It can get annoying. From our pastor's sermon "... it's like finding a gold mine in... in... Colorado!" First off. Who says that? Is Colorado the first place you think of when it comes to gold mines? No. It's not. To when I wear my Colorado shirt, like I did this morning and headed to Target. As I'm walking out someone yells, "Do you live in Colorado." I turned and said, "not yet" and we strike up a conversation. Turns out dude lived in Colorado Springs, knows exactly where Monument is and would move back there in a heart beat. Then I've got some people on my tennis team and when they found out we wanted to move to Colorado it's "oh I used to live there. I loved it." Really. Really!

Please don't let this be a cruel joke. Don't let us run into people, read magazines, watch television shows that mention Colorado only for it not to happen for us.

A huntin' we will go

Hunting for our hearts... sounds kind of gross but do you see that picture? Do you really see it? It's not a backdrop. I took that picture while searching for our hearts. We've gone hunting. Hunting for our hearts. What makes our hearts come alive? What makes us excited to be in this thing called life? What makes our heart have a little skip in its step? This. This beauty. This call to adventure.

A little back up story... a year ago my husband went on the ultimate guy's trip. 10 days backpacking through British Columbia, which also happened to be on my Dad's bucket list. So they packed it up, flew across the country, rented a car and drove till the road literally ended, then took a sea plane and paddled three days into the wilderness. And they were in heaven.  In January, my wonderful husband paid a freak load (yes, that's a measurement) for me to attend a weekend long women's retreat titled "Adventures of the Heart" and it was a life changing, eye opening, heart freeing experience. But that's the thing. You can't go to one of these retreats and then slip back into "real" life. It just hurts. Normal sucks. Normal doesn't make my heart soar. Or maybe it's normal with nothing to look forward to. Normal with no adventure.

Before January we had been talking about wanting to move. We have friends who live in Colorado and love it and I have always wanted to live where it snows. My husband said East Coast snow is not for him so we shifted our eyes towards the West (er) Coast. He's had a dream to live in Colorado. Which seems to be the King of outdoor adventures.

So we thought let's take our son's spring break week and go and check it out. We'll stay with our friends then head to Breckenridge and see if our son likes to ski. There wasn't much snow but that didnt stop our son from spending HOURS in the backyard building a snowman he named Joey. And the hiking our friends took us on... I promise you, I had to beg the boys to get back in the car. They would have been gone all day if we had let them. They were in boy/man heaven. An outdoor paradise with rock formations to explore, an adventure surrounded them. It felt right being there. Scary, but right. It's a much slower pace of life which my husband needs. He suffered some health issues last year because of the stress of his job. What little boy doesn't want to grow up with the constant ability to go fishing, hiking, biking, camping, skiing with their Dad? Not one. Ok. Maybe one, but you know built into the hearts of little boys is the need for adventure and Colorado has that for us. It make my heart soar. Cheesy sounding I know but it's true.

Fast forward to where we are now... we registered our son in a wonderful school before we left from our vacation with the hopes of coming home, listing and selling our house and getting the hell out by the summer time. We are two months in and no bite on our house. Now I know, you are thinking, "2 months. Get a grip girl." but I honestly thought our house would have sold by now. It's the first house (well I've only owned two) that is decorated gorgeously by my best friend and I and doesn't need any work and so I thought it would sell fast. Nope. Still waiting. In the mean time, we have a fantastic private school here that we want Will to go to. We havent registered him yet because we were hoping to not be here and I dont want to pay the huge non refundable deposit if I dont have to (thank you very much) but we were told last week there is only ONE spot left in their first grade class. ONE. Que the mad scramble. And we find ourselves here. In the midst of the interview process because if we dont move this is the only school we want our son to attend. So as of now, we have our son registered in two different schools in two different states. Which one will win?

To clarify, our life here doesn't suck. It's not like we are struggling it's just we long for the mountains, the snow, the endless list of outdoor activities. Granted, I've never lived in the snow but I want to try it. I don't know if I will hate it but I'd like to find out.