Reality

Trying to find my heart is hard. Really hard. I don't want to stop and really think about my life, my past etc.. I just want to barrel forward and keep busy b.c being quiet and trying to listen scares me. What if I don't hear anything? What if I do? Taking the time to find my heart is hard. What do I want to do with my life? How can I make a difference? I read something I liked. "Lord, show me who I am now, and who I can become - the person You had in mind when You created me."

Heart Happy

So we've apparently cursed the Colorado weather system because we haven't had more than a few and I mean a few inches of snow since the season started. Here we tell our son we are moving to a place where it snows and we haven't gotten any more than we got when we lived in Atlanta. Not cool, mother nature. Not cool.

But our son loves the snow. And so far he doesn't know that we should have snow up to his knees so he is perfectly content playing in the two inches we got. It's nice to see him out there having a great time. Granted, no other kids are out there because it's not legit snow but our son thinks its awesome, and sometimes that's enough.

Almost 6 months in

And the sadness of not being near my parents has settled in. What have I done? Why did I chose to move away from my free and wonderful babysitters? Was it worth it? Our sons negative attitude weighs on me. I never know when something I say will turn the entire day into a day of awful attitude. I'm sure he misses my parents but we are doing everything we can to see them each month. I know it's not the same. Not at all. God help me.
I foolishly thought that if we could just get here we'd find our hearts. That it would fall into place. I didnt realize that hunting for our hearts would be so intentional. And hard. I thought if we could just get here... and now we are almost to the 6 month mark. The supposed magically 6 month mark but I'm hoping that the 6 months really starts when we got our house.

Maybe it's the season too. It's cold so I don't want to be outside hiking etc... I love nature but I seem to be losing my thrill of what I see around me. I think the weight of my sons mood swings is zapping my happiness, my peace, my joy, my life. It haunts me. Was it not best for him that we move out here and try to find our hearts? To help my husband's health? Was it not best for him? Have I ruined him? Caused his negative mood? I guess it helps some to know that he had a negative mood before we moved here it's just I'm around it a lot more because I dont have my parents to help.

Standing Here Crying

 

I know it's not much yet but it's like the reality that we picked out lives up and moved out here to go hunting for our hearts, to see the snow, to do all the outdoor activities... it got a little overwhelming for a minute. 

One month in

And what I've learned.

1. People don't spend much time on their phones. They are "present."
2. It's important to look people in the eye when you are checking out for groceries, picking up your dry cleaning etc...
3. It's very pretty here.
4. Life is slower here. People don't seem to be in a rush
5. I'm excited to find the right neighborhood for us so we can move forward in finding a house or buying land and building one.

First Snow!

Do you see the date on this post? October 6th. October 6th! Granted, it is just a dusting but it is proof of what's to come. Hope we're ready for it!

My Heart is NOT impressed

We found a beautiful 2.5 acre lot on the west side with the mountains almost literally in our backyard and yesterday we wrote the earnest money check and were about to write up the contract when our agent tells us she's "waiting for an addendum" (Uh oh) An addendum before we even make an offer? Greaaat.
So we get the addendum and it is a doozy. A "no more deal tear up the check doozy." To summarize, we pay X for the land and X isn't cheap btw, but we pay X for the land and then we... drum roll... don't actually own what's underneath it. And even worse, the State can come and mine your property, put oil derricks and any and all other kind of oil infrastructure and you can't do a damn thing about it. And you don't get anything for it either. Not that that makes any difference but I am so so very bummed. See apparently there's gold in these there hills and oil and coal and other good stuff that the State wants even though you pay for the land. There's a plus when it comes to having a husband who has dealt in the oil industry for the last 30 years. And he found shady stuff like this. Turns out a petroleum company bought 21,000 acres over a decade ago in hopes of mining it for oil but since oil prices are down they haven't done anything with the land YET. And the document my husband found specially mentions the cross streets to the neighborhood we WERE looking in.

Crazy thing is that other people recently have bought lots in that neighborhood and there are homes already built and being lived in. So is the addendum new? Did the other people just read the addendum and not understand and signed their rights away? Because it is bad. Very bad. And I am bummed. Very bummed. It was the first time I got really excited about a house. Building one, that is. And saving pins on pinterest. So now I'm back to square one. The homes that are on the market are old, ugly and don't even have views. I'm just discouraged.