And the sadness of not being near my parents has settled in. What have I done? Why did I chose to move away from my free and wonderful babysitters? Was it worth it? Our sons negative attitude weighs on me. I never know when something I say will turn the entire day into a day of awful attitude. I'm sure he misses my parents but we are doing everything we can to see them each month. I know it's not the same. Not at all. God help me.
I foolishly thought that if we could just get here we'd find our hearts. That it would fall into place. I didnt realize that hunting for our hearts would be so intentional. And hard. I thought if we could just get here... and now we are almost to the 6 month mark. The supposed magically 6 month mark but I'm hoping that the 6 months really starts when we got our house.
Maybe it's the season too. It's cold so I don't want to be outside hiking etc... I love nature but I seem to be losing my thrill of what I see around me. I think the weight of my sons mood swings is zapping my happiness, my peace, my joy, my life. It haunts me. Was it not best for him that we move out here and try to find our hearts? To help my husband's health? Was it not best for him? Have I ruined him? Caused his negative mood? I guess it helps some to know that he had a negative mood before we moved here it's just I'm around it a lot more because I dont have my parents to help.
